Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
About Deviant Live. Laugh. Love. Strength.26/Female/Canada Recent Activity
Deviant for 9 Years
Needs Core Membership
Statistics 167 Deviations 1,014 Comments 26,498 Pageviews
×

Newest Deviations

Deviant ID Winter 2017 :iconvashta-nerada91:Vashta-Nerada91 0 1 Deviant ID 2017 :iconvashta-nerada91:Vashta-Nerada91 1 0
Mature content
If I Were to Take my Own Life :iconvashta-nerada91:Vashta-Nerada91 0 0
Literature
One of Those Nights
This is one of those days…
Nothing bad happened today; it was actually going pretty good. My smile was real. My laugh was real. I was feeling good. There were no arguments, no embarrassment, no sad news, or anything to bring me down.
This is one of those days…
Pretty decent day at work; not too stressful, not too exhausting. Hanging out with good friends. Friends that care. Friends I enjoy being with. It should have been fun, relaxing, enjoyable, and I should feel good.
This is one of those days…
I’ve been doing better; the ache had left, the weight had lessened. I was remembering to breathe. I was remembering to live. I was able to go days without hurting myself, it wasn’t constantly on my mind, and I didn’t really want to die.
This is one of those nights…
I’m not okay; I hurt, and I can’t cry. I’m being pulled back down. I’m being crushed by the air. I don’t want to move, I don’t want to eat, and I don
:iconVashta-Nerada91:Vashta-Nerada91
:iconvashta-nerada91:Vashta-Nerada91 1 0
Towering Trees :iconvashta-nerada91:Vashta-Nerada91 4 0 Yellowing Tree :iconvashta-nerada91:Vashta-Nerada91 0 0
Mature content
Accepting the Scars :iconvashta-nerada91:Vashta-Nerada91 0 0
Mature content
Insatiable Pain :iconvashta-nerada91:Vashta-Nerada91 0 0
Mature content
It Wasn't The End :iconvashta-nerada91:Vashta-Nerada91 0 0
Mature content
The First Cut :iconvashta-nerada91:Vashta-Nerada91 0 0
Fall 2016 :iconvashta-nerada91:Vashta-Nerada91 0 0
Literature
Balance
It is a delicate balance
Between mental health and illness
Most days I’ve got it covered
Floating between the two
Then there’s times
I feel so normal
Comfortable
Even happy
I cherish these moments
Where I don’t have to worry
About anything and everything
And I can actually breathe
Then there’s times
I feel so lost
Unsettled
Even desperate
I fear these moments
Where nothings feels okay
Filled with loneliness and emptiness
And I can’t even breathe
But I guess they are apart of me
I am a balance of the two
Without them, I wouldn’t be me
And if not me, then who?
:iconVashta-Nerada91:Vashta-Nerada91
:iconvashta-nerada91:Vashta-Nerada91 0 0
Boop :iconvashta-nerada91:Vashta-Nerada91 2 0 Window Watching :iconvashta-nerada91:Vashta-Nerada91 4 0 Lizard Friends :iconvashta-nerada91:Vashta-Nerada91 2 8 Loki :iconvashta-nerada91:Vashta-Nerada91 2 3

Favourites

love :iconbwoo:bwoo 105 6 Gay Love :iconyellowcaseartist:yellowcaseartist 2,882 542 Wrapped up in You :iconlafaerie:LaFaerie 81 28
Mature content
love thyself. :iconacidteaparty:acidteaparty 6 28
never is a promise. :iconcarvingbackbone:carvingbackbone 48 25 Anorexia. 'I swear, I ate today..' :iconmariemystery:MarieMystery 38 1 Hide What I Hate :iconramecrow:RameCrow 11 0 Eating disorder :iconpurrincesse:Purrincesse 5 0 She's never good enough :iconcarolinlauer:CarolinLauer 121 11 it gets better :iconlulsandfails:lulsandfails 47 21 To Write Love On Her Arms :iconfreakattackphoto:freakattackphoto 3 0 Fight On For You. :iconincenseandashes:IncenseandAshes 8 5 To Write Love on Her Arms. :iconozzkat:Ozzkat 16 20 Self-Loathing :iconrowychu:rowychu 14 2 guitarist and railraod 3 :iconjunkarlo:JunKarlo 3,545 265 Six feet under the stars :icon6eternity9:6eternity9 4,973 393

Watchers

:iconanneliese0777: :iconk-ga: :icongrayfeather83: :iconalexcallan: :iconmoripanda: :iconpinkey-3938: :iconcol912: :icongothicindian92: :icontwistedobsidian: :iconutenafan: :iconblackcrow907: :iconmoscaisafgt: :iconunknown20troper: :iconbunnyrun: :icondirander: :iconnxnayx: :iconnejikibaluver15: :iconkaz-d: :iconswmmp: :iconmizryuzakichan: :iconi-devwatch: :iconmrkela92: :iconomegaavatar: :iconalmanah: :iconshouldnt-draw: :iconrunescapeismygame: :iconrockingalxx: :iconfifteenhundred: :iconi-h3art-mys3lf: :iconvegigoddess:

Friends

:iconthe-photographicpoet: :icontimberclipse: :iconkaz-d: :iconshouldnt-draw: :iconim-not-sana: :iconfifteenhundred:

Groups

deviantID

Vashta-Nerada91
Live. Laugh. Love. Strength.
Canada
:bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack:

25. Female. Pansexual. Canadian.

I have a Bachelor's Degree in Psychology and a Post Graduate in Concurrent Disorders. I currently work at a local pet store and I love my job, but I plan on pursuing a career in Mental Health and Addictions.

I have a cat named McCoy, a crested gecko named Pippin(Peregrin), and a bloodred corn snake named Loki.

My artistic interests include writing poetry and prose, photography, and drawing, but I don't spend a lot of time practicing so I haven't developed much of my hobbies.

My other interests include video games on PC, Xbox, Wii, and PS3/4, movies, Netflix, reading, and animals


Comments, favourites, collections, downloads and views will be greatly appreciated on all my work and I love to get feedback :D
Interests
I really never thought I'd be diagnosed with an eating disorder... but it happened. I hadn't realised that the DSM-V has a section for eating disorders that don't fit into the original 3 types... I have A-Typical Anorexia and my doctor wants me to go into an eating disorder program. I really don't know if I want to do that, as they are fairly intensive and I'm not sure I'm ready to have a dietitian tell me what I should be eating and such and I'm not sure that I'm ready to talk to a counselor about my eating either. I did, however, go for a complete blood workup which came back okay. I have definitely had a significant decline since my last test in the summer, but most things are still within the normal ranges. My ECG also came back good. I wasn't planning on telling my doctor at all, but my best friend finally convinced me to tell her about my eating habits, since I am still losing weight and it's become a reality that I am going to go beyond my goal, and very soon too.  

Unfortunately, now that my doctor knows about the eating disorder, I need to switch meds around because I am too high of a risk for seizures on the dose of Wellbutrin I am on currently. I am also going to be adding a medication that will hopefully address my anxiety, which has been getting worse and more frequent, so I'm really hoping that goes well.

I have lost sight of the other side of this tunnel and I feel so deeply that I will never be okay again and that I won't make it through this time. I'm just so fucking tired of fighting this and it never feels like it's getting better anymore...

Activity


I really never thought I'd be diagnosed with an eating disorder... but it happened. I hadn't realised that the DSM-V has a section for eating disorders that don't fit into the original 3 types... I have A-Typical Anorexia and my doctor wants me to go into an eating disorder program. I really don't know if I want to do that, as they are fairly intensive and I'm not sure I'm ready to have a dietitian tell me what I should be eating and such and I'm not sure that I'm ready to talk to a counselor about my eating either. I did, however, go for a complete blood workup which came back okay. I have definitely had a significant decline since my last test in the summer, but most things are still within the normal ranges. My ECG also came back good. I wasn't planning on telling my doctor at all, but my best friend finally convinced me to tell her about my eating habits, since I am still losing weight and it's become a reality that I am going to go beyond my goal, and very soon too.  

Unfortunately, now that my doctor knows about the eating disorder, I need to switch meds around because I am too high of a risk for seizures on the dose of Wellbutrin I am on currently. I am also going to be adding a medication that will hopefully address my anxiety, which has been getting worse and more frequent, so I'm really hoping that goes well.

I have lost sight of the other side of this tunnel and I feel so deeply that I will never be okay again and that I won't make it through this time. I'm just so fucking tired of fighting this and it never feels like it's getting better anymore...

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconjeedii:
Jeedii Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2017  Student General Artist
:salute:
Reply
:iconnessie905:
Nessie905 Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for faving 'Scars'! :)
Reply
:iconorochibi:
orochibi Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Hello! We will be glad if you were interested in joining our group :icongive-getandsupport: We are a small group that aspires to grow, so we can help fellow deviants to exchange watches, llamas, favourites and comments as well as advertise their contests, commissions and even their own groups! :D
Reply
:iconalannah-hawker:
Alannah-Hawker Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2013   Photographer
Thanks for the +5 favourites! :D
Reply
:iconvashta-nerada91:
Vashta-Nerada91 Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014
no problem! my pleasure :)
Reply
:icondogzrule333:
dogzrule333 Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2012
Thanks for the llama!

And that picture of Anthony Head is extremely yummy.

Also Torchwood, Doctor Who, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Angel - BEST SHOWS EVER. :D
Reply
:iconalexcallan:
alexcallan Featured By Owner May 3, 2012
Can I just say... My cat is called Bones and sometimes it responds to McCoy.
That is all.

------------
We are in Buckingham Palace, the very heart of the British nation. Sherlock Holmes, put your trousers on! ~ Mycroft Holmes
Reply
:iconvashta-nerada91:
Vashta-Nerada91 Featured By Owner May 11, 2012
that is awesome! Thanks for sharing that =)
Reply
:iconim-not-sana:
im-not-sana Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist

deviantART muro drawing Comment Drawing
Reply
:icondividorra:
DiviDorra Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2011
Thanks for the llama <3
Reply
Add a Comment: