Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
About Deviant Live. Laugh. Love. Strength.25/Female/Canada Recent Activity
Deviant for 9 Years
Needs Core Membership
Statistics 166 Deviations 1,013 Comments 25,954 Pageviews
×

Newest Deviations

Favourites

Watchers

:iconpurpleskulls: :iconanneliese0777: :iconk-ga: :icongrayfeather83: :iconalexcallan: :iconmoripanda: :iconpinkey-3938: :iconcol912: :icongothicindian92: :icontwistedobsidian: :iconutenafan: :iconblackcrow907: :iconmoscaisafgt: :iconunknown20troper: :iconbunnyrun: :icondirander: :iconnxnayx: :iconnejikibaluver15: :iconkaz-d: :iconswmmp: :iconmizryuzakichan: :iconi-devwatch: :iconmrkela92: :iconomegaavatar: :iconalmanah: :iconshouldnt-draw: :iconrunescapeismygame: :iconrockingalxx: :iconfifteenhundred: :iconi-h3art-mys3lf: :iconvegigoddess:

Friends

:iconthe-photographicpoet: :icontimberclipse: :iconkaz-d: :iconshouldnt-draw: :iconim-not-sana: :iconfifteenhundred:

Groups

deviantID

Vashta-Nerada91
Live. Laugh. Love. Strength.
Canada
:bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack: :bulletblack:

25. Female. Pansexual. Canadian.

I have a Bachelor's Degree in Psychology and a Post Graduate in Concurrent Disorders. I currently work at a local pet store and I love my job, but I plan on pursuing a career in Mental Health and Addictions.

I have a cat named McCoy, a crested gecko named Pippin(Peregrin), and a bloodred corn snake named Loki.

My artistic interests include writing poetry and prose, photography, and drawing, but I don't spend a lot of time practicing so I haven't developed much of my hobbies.

My other interests include video games on PC, Xbox, Wii, and PS3/4, movies, Netflix, reading, and animals


Comments, favourites, collections, downloads and views will be greatly appreciated on all my work and I love to get feedback :D
Interests
I'm a little torn about where I'm at right now. On one hand, I'm having a lot more good days, some in a row even, and I've been managing to eat at least once a day without anyone having to ask or tell me to. I can eat some junk food again, although I don't feel great after and I struggle with eating for the rest of the day. On the other hand, my bad days are still really bad, to the point where I'm still scared of what I might do some days, and I still don't like being alone. I wish I could say the self-harm is getting better, but I don't think it really is; I may not be doing it every day, but some days I do it multiple times and I started cutting in other places, as my usual ones are just... worn out. I still have too many days where I just want to keep cutting and not stop and I'm basically bedridden (thankfully, it's usually with someone) until the thoughts aren't as overwhelming and I can go do something to take my mind off it.

I'm still dropping weight too fast, I've lost another 11lbs since Dec 24th and it's not slowing down: I'm starting to get worried that I'm going to get really sick before I manage to allow myself to eat normally again. I'd be more concerned if I wasn't overweight anyways, and I can't really see myself getting to a point where I could actually be diagnosed with an eating disorder... I just have disordered eating patterns that fit almost perfectly into anorexia. I don't have some of the "important" signs/criteria though, like being underweight or not getting my period. It pisses me off that it's not just based on your behaviour and eating patterns.

One thing I'm pretty happy about is that I finally got around to changing my next of kin from my mother to my best friend. Considering I am most likely to end up in the hospital for mental health reasons more than anything, my family are the last people I would want to see or have making decisions on my behalf. I wouldn't even trust them to think of contacting my 3 closest friends, all of whom I would want there, particularly if my life was in danger. I would trust my best friend with my life, and I have complete confidence in her that she would make decisions that I would be okay with and would base them on what I would want.

I have also been considering rewriting a will, since my other one is far too old and outdated and tbh I'm not even sure where it is anymore. I also don't want to, because I don't like entertaining the idea of needing one when my brain isn't at least somewhat healthy.

Anyways, that's basically it for now... Time to get some sleep I guess.

Activity


Mature Content

This content is intended for mature audiences.


or, enter your birth date.*


Month

Day

Year*
Please enter a valid date format (mm-dd-yyyy)
Please confirm you have reviewed DeviantArt's Terms of Service below.
* We do not retain your date-of-birth information.
If I were to take my own life
There are things I would want to say
The words I want to leave you with

Please know that I loved you
More than you could know
And no one ever came close

You were able to comfort me
When nothing else could reach me
As my pain became unbearable

You never saw my scars as ugly
They weren’t disgraceful in your eyes
To you they were just a part of me

Thank you for loving me
And for telling me that I mattered
I always felt less broken with you

I’m sorry to put you through this
But I know that you are strong
You will move on in time

I wish I could have stayed for the good
But I couldn’t get through the bad anymore
I hope that you can forgive me

So this is my goodbye to you
Filled with things I wanted to say
And things I needed you to know
This is one of those days…
Nothing bad happened today; it was actually going pretty good. My smile was real. My laugh was real. I was feeling good. There were no arguments, no embarrassment, no sad news, or anything to bring me down.

This is one of those days…
Pretty decent day at work; not too stressful, not too exhausting. Hanging out with good friends. Friends that care. Friends I enjoy being with. It should have been fun, relaxing, enjoyable, and I should feel good.

This is one of those days…
I’ve been doing better; the ache had left, the weight had lessened. I was remembering to breathe. I was remembering to live. I was able to go days without hurting myself, it wasn’t constantly on my mind, and I didn’t really want to die.

This is one of those nights…
I’m not okay; I hurt, and I can’t cry. I’m being pulled back down. I’m being crushed by the air. I don’t want to move, I don’t want to eat, and I don’t want to live. I just want to fade away into the darkness.
I'm a little torn about where I'm at right now. On one hand, I'm having a lot more good days, some in a row even, and I've been managing to eat at least once a day without anyone having to ask or tell me to. I can eat some junk food again, although I don't feel great after and I struggle with eating for the rest of the day. On the other hand, my bad days are still really bad, to the point where I'm still scared of what I might do some days, and I still don't like being alone. I wish I could say the self-harm is getting better, but I don't think it really is; I may not be doing it every day, but some days I do it multiple times and I started cutting in other places, as my usual ones are just... worn out. I still have too many days where I just want to keep cutting and not stop and I'm basically bedridden (thankfully, it's usually with someone) until the thoughts aren't as overwhelming and I can go do something to take my mind off it.

I'm still dropping weight too fast, I've lost another 11lbs since Dec 24th and it's not slowing down: I'm starting to get worried that I'm going to get really sick before I manage to allow myself to eat normally again. I'd be more concerned if I wasn't overweight anyways, and I can't really see myself getting to a point where I could actually be diagnosed with an eating disorder... I just have disordered eating patterns that fit almost perfectly into anorexia. I don't have some of the "important" signs/criteria though, like being underweight or not getting my period. It pisses me off that it's not just based on your behaviour and eating patterns.

One thing I'm pretty happy about is that I finally got around to changing my next of kin from my mother to my best friend. Considering I am most likely to end up in the hospital for mental health reasons more than anything, my family are the last people I would want to see or have making decisions on my behalf. I wouldn't even trust them to think of contacting my 3 closest friends, all of whom I would want there, particularly if my life was in danger. I would trust my best friend with my life, and I have complete confidence in her that she would make decisions that I would be okay with and would base them on what I would want.

I have also been considering rewriting a will, since my other one is far too old and outdated and tbh I'm not even sure where it is anymore. I also don't want to, because I don't like entertaining the idea of needing one when my brain isn't at least somewhat healthy.

Anyways, that's basically it for now... Time to get some sleep I guess.

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconjeedii:
Jeedii Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2017  Student General Artist
:salute:
Reply
:iconnessie905:
Nessie905 Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for faving 'Scars'! :)
Reply
:iconorochibi:
orochibi Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Hello! We will be glad if you were interested in joining our group :icongive-getandsupport: We are a small group that aspires to grow, so we can help fellow deviants to exchange watches, llamas, favourites and comments as well as advertise their contests, commissions and even their own groups! :D
Reply
:iconalannah-hawker:
Alannah-Hawker Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2013   Photographer
Thanks for the +5 favourites! :D
Reply
:iconvashta-nerada91:
Vashta-Nerada91 Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014
no problem! my pleasure :)
Reply
:icondogzrule333:
dogzrule333 Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2012
Thanks for the llama!

And that picture of Anthony Head is extremely yummy.

Also Torchwood, Doctor Who, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Angel - BEST SHOWS EVER. :D
Reply
:iconalexcallan:
alexcallan Featured By Owner May 3, 2012
Can I just say... My cat is called Bones and sometimes it responds to McCoy.
That is all.

------------
We are in Buckingham Palace, the very heart of the British nation. Sherlock Holmes, put your trousers on! ~ Mycroft Holmes
Reply
:iconvashta-nerada91:
Vashta-Nerada91 Featured By Owner May 11, 2012
that is awesome! Thanks for sharing that =)
Reply
:iconim-not-sana:
im-not-sana Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist

deviantART muro drawing Comment Drawing
Reply
:icondividorra:
DiviDorra Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2011
Thanks for the llama <3
Reply
Add a Comment: